


SEVENTH YEAR

by adrestiamars



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bisexuality, Borderline Personality Disorder, Canon Compliant, Dom/sub, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Fuck JKR, Genderfluid Character, Graphic Description, Hogwarts Prefects' Bathroom, Hogwarts Seventh Year, LGBTQ Themes, Mental Health Issues, Multi, My First Fanfic, Neopronouns, Oral Sex, Pansexual Character, Quidditch, Rough Sex, Self-Harm, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Shower Sex, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trans Male Character, Work In Progress, fuck terfs, luna lovegood neopronouns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:27:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29017416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adrestiamars/pseuds/adrestiamars
Summary: It's 1997, and Evangeline Selwyn, the daughter of death eaters, is in seventh year at Hogwarts with her rival, Draco Malfoy. When Evangeline makes a fatal mistake her already complicated year gets much more interesting.hi im brand new to writing and this is my first fic!tw// SMUT, mental health issues, depression, self harm, violence
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

I’d always hated Draco Malfoy. This, however, was the last straw. He was always acting like he was better than me, but to steal the quaffle right out of my arms and get the last goal, right before the Hufflepuff seeker grabbed the snitch! He got the winning shot, 160-150, and it wasn’t even his job. We could’ve beaten them 300-0 if he just tried a little harder. But the Hufflepuff seeker was the best seeker since Harry Potter left, and everyone knew it. So the asshole decided that he still had to get all the glory, and stole the winning shot. The Gryffindors and Hufflepuff’s weren’t impressed, but the Ravenclaws and Slytherins thought it was genius. Like I couldn’t have gotten it in. I was still fuming as I cornered him in the common room later that night, as the party was ending and all the girls surrounding Malfoy came to the sad conclusion he wasn’t going to fuck them tonight. 

“What the fuck were you thinking?” I quietly yelled at him. There were still a few people around and I didn’t need to be any more embarrassed than I already was.

“You’re going to have to elaborate, darling.” he drawled. 

I kicked his leg, leaving mud on his perfectly tailored pants. “You know exactly what I’m talking about, you prick. Why the fuck did you think it’d be a good idea to take the quaffle from me. I’m the chaser, not you.”

He looked down at the mud staining his forest green trousers, now making them the color of a dead fern. Then at my dirty sneakers, my muddy legs, old shorts, rain soaked top, all the way to my wet, frizzy hair. Shit, I should’ve taken a shower before coming to talk to him. But I’d spent all afternoon after that match on the grounds, not wanting to come back to the common room and face the humiliation that awaited me. 

“You might have the position of chaser, but you’re not a very good one.” 

I couldn’t believe it. He really has the audacity to say that! _He_ does, Mr. “Daddy bought me a spot”. I opened my mouth, ready to go off on him when he cut me off.

“You were about to take the most rubbish shot of your life, figured I’d save you the embarrassment.”

“How the hell would you know, you should’ve been watching the snitch.”

“You get sloppy under pressure.” he replied simply.

That’s it. I kicked his other leg harder, turned around, and stormed up to my dorms, cursing him out not so under my breath. He just laughed, and I felt his gaze on me until I slammed the door.

~~

“I’ll show him, the little dick.” I was out on the pitch right as the sun started to rise, determined to get some practice in before the rest of the team came down. And get my anger out. The sun was coming up now, painting the sky in gorgeous shades of pink, orange, and gold. In the west, you could still see the moon and a couple stars, fighting to stay bright. I’ve always had a thing for the sky, so I flew down to the changing rooms to grab my water and a snack and watch the sun rise. But then I saw him. Sitting outside the tent, watching me for who knows how long. Fuck, he probably heard me talking to myself about all the hexes I’d like to try on him. Eh, I’ll let him be prepared. I landed, scowling at him. “What do you want?”

“I want to help you.”

I was _not_ expecting that. “Why? You want more time to make fun of me.”

“This is our last year at Hogwarts, and we’re going to win the Quidditch Cup. You’re the weak link and I’m not taking no for an answer. We start now.” He grabbed a quaffle and flew up towards the goal posts. The pretentious asshole! I may be new on the team, but I am not the weak link. Right? Right. Dickhead. I followed him up still, telling myself I was going to show him just who the weak link was.

We practiced for about an hour, and I glared at him the whole time. Malfoy, the stuck up brat, just ignored it. I was just about to knock him off his broom when we saw the rest of the team walking down the hill. We flew back down to the tent to meet them and start official practice. Malfoy started talking to us but I tuned him out. Until I remembered he’s our new team captain. Spoiled brat. 

“-since we just beat Hufflepuff, we’re going to have to work hard in our next match against Ravenclaw. Get your brooms.” 

Having no idea what I was supposed to be doing, I grabbed my broom and followed the team out onto the field.

The team was a mess. But that was to be expected, after the hell that was sixth year and this summer. Snape appointed Malfoy captain on his first day as Headmaster. Malfoy then had his pick of the few students that returned this year. We definitely had the strongest team. The other houses barely had enough kids to even form a quidditch team. However, our minds were on our parents, all Death Eaters. It was going to be another rough year. 

All through practice I was thinking over my lesson with Malfoy. If I was so bad at quidditch, then why’d he put me on the team? I didn’t play last year, and there were plenty of other kids that wanted my position. Yeah, I’m a good flyer, but I’m a seventh year. Wouldn’t he want someone younger? And my parents are minor Death Eaters, he didn’t owe it to them to put me on the team. When Malfoy told us we were done, I decided it’d be better to just ask him instead of wonder the whole year. He was always last to leave the tent, so I took my time at my locker, wiping the dirt off my broom and sneakers. How did I always manage to get so dirty, it didn’t even rain! I gave up on getting a stain out of my quidditch robes, shoving them in my locker and slamming the door with a loud bang. Malfoy looked up at me, smirking. He was sitting on the bench in front of his locker, obviously waiting for me. I gave him a glare that would make He Who Must Not Be Named pee his pants and stormed over to him. His smirk just grew. I stood right in front of him, giving his leg another nice kick. He actually winced. Winced. Now it was my turn to smirk, knowing I must’ve left his leg purple if that little, or I guess it was kind of a hard kick hurt him that much. 

“Now what was that for, darling?” He stood up, his cockiness radiating off him, and I jumped back. 

Shit, why’d I do that? He smirked again. We’d always had this silent competition between us, pushing each other's buttons, trying to get the others confidence to falter. And after the week I’d been having, I let it slip. Shit, shit. I attempted to bring it back up, but he saw my bravado was gone in my eyes. He was fast, and suddenly I felt wood against my back. He put his hands against the lockers, trapping me between his arms. He smelled like parchment, old books, and his expensive musky cologne. And sweaty, very sweaty. “You need a shower, that ridiculous cologne can only do so much.” I snarled. I went to cross my arms, but he took another step towards me.

“Only if you join me, Evangeline.”

Oh, so this is how he wanted to play it. My confidence came rushing back. This is a game I always win. I draped my arms around his neck, and something flashed in his eyes. But I just leaned forward and whispered in his ear “I’d love to, I have a few more bruises I want to give you.” I summoned all the courage I had, and lowered my lips to his neck. When I kissed him, I knew it was over. He went rigid. We’d teased each other for years, but it always was just words. This would leave me Draco free for at least a week. I leaned back against the lockers and looked up at his icy grey eyes through my lowered lashes and grinned. He’d gone pale. Paler than normal. I went to push past him, but he didn’t budge. Stubborn ass. 

He stared into my eyes for what felt like hours, then whispered back “There’s a lot I want to give you too.” He moved a hand to my cheek, running a thumb over my skin and raised his eyebrows, challenging me. 

There is no way I’m backing down. He might be feeling a little cockier than normal, but I always win. So I lean forward again. He doesn’t step back, in fact, he gets closer. Asshole. I bring my face right up to his, almost brushing my lips against his, as I murmur “Show me.” I stare into his eyes, feeling like the devil’s dancing behind mine. He stares right back at me, contemplating his next move, and I find myself wanting him to kiss me. I really want him to kiss me. What the hell? Why do I want to kiss Malfoy? He’s a brat. I look at his soft, perfect lips, biting my own when the air shifts. The room’s too small, it's too big. There’s too much space between us. I step forward. Looking at him, I see the confusion written all over his face. But he puts his cocky mask back on, smirking. The room’s spinning. I pull him towards me, and he kisses me. He tastes like minty toothpaste and firewhiskey. I kiss him back, savoring the taste. He runs his hands through my hair, the world rights itself, and I feel less alone.

It’s been a hard couple of years. When He returned my parents got dragged back into the cult. I was never close to any of the other Slytherin girls, especially those who praised the ground Pansy Parkinson walked on, favoring those from other houses. But when they remembered who my parents were, they stopped talking to me. Most of them didn’t even return this year, and I kept telling myself they were pathetic for being too scared to come.

Draco moved to my neck and brought me back to the present. “Determined to get me back?” I sigh. 

“Uh huh” he murmured against me, and I knew a brilliant bruise would form there in a couple minutes. He scooped me up and held me against the wall with his body to give him easier access to my neck. I didn’t want this to stop, didn’t want to think about what we were doing. I just wanted to stay lost in this perfect moment. I tilt my head back, arching my back, complying as he works his way down to my collarbone, my chest, leaving little marks along the way. The twinge of pain pushes my years-long numbness aside, and when he smoothes over the hurt with his tongue it feels like he genuinely cares for me. Which of course he doesn’t, this is Malfoy after all. Wait. I’m making out with Malfoy. My body tenses, and he pulls back. There’s concern in his eyes, but his arrogance is overpowering. I push him back, dropping to the floor. Quickly, I slip on my robes, grab my bag, and run out the door. What the fuck did I just do? What was I thinking? The realization dawned on me with startling clarity. I lost.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

I spent the rest of the day hiding in the prefects bathroom. Snape hadn’t appointed any prefects this year, just me as head girl and Malfoy as head boy. Snape was friends with my parents, and I got good marks, but I was still confused why he chose me to be head girl. I’d never been a prefect. But I was grateful for it, as I got the whole bathroom to myself. Malfoy never came in here, believing he was too good for it. Stupid Malfoy. Why does he have to be such an obnoxious asshole. He’s such a prick, thinking he can kiss me, thinking he can leave bruises. How  _ dare _ he. I trace the purple constellation lightly, trying to feel how long it will stay. The bubbles from my bath run down the marks, the sweet smell reminding me of the hot firewhiskey I tasted on Draco’s breath. Fuck, snap out of it. I deteste Malfoy. He’s a manipulative dick, and leaving these marks on me was just a power move. Like I did to him. I just miscalculated. I should’ve taken into account how horny the weasel was before kissing him. This is dumb anyways, it didn’t mean anything. And it won’t happen again. 

I get dressed for dinner and dig through my bag for my concealer. I really don’t want any questions. But I can’t get rid of the memories of his rough but delicate hands in my hair, on my neck, roaming my body. How he felt pushed up against me, like we were the only two people in the world. How easily I lost myself in the moment, his strength making me feel protected but alive, ridding myself of the nervous numbness that had plagued me for so long. I fucking hate Malfoy. 

Dinner was awkward but quiet. I sat by myself, per usual, reading and trying hard to not pay attention to the fight that was going on over Malfoy. Pansy had seen my mark, and all the girls were questioning Malfoy over who gave it to him. Malfoy kept silent the whole time, doing some homework, while the girls fought amongst themselves. My name didn’t come up once. But I felt Malfoy’s gaze on me, on my concealer, and I caught him smirking to himself. Asshole.

I left dinner for the astronomy tower. It had always been my favorite place in Hogwarts, up until  _ that _ night last year. I used to spend all my time up there, doing homework and staring at the sky. No one ever went up there since it was so high up, but that's what made me love it. I hadn’t been up here since that night Malfoy found me sitting with my legs dangling over the side. He told me to go to my dorm and stay in there the rest of the night. I’d been so pissed with him, it was gorgeous out. But he was so pale and shaky, and I was tired anyways, so I didn’t put up much of a fight. 

Being up here feels weird. Walking over to my favorite ledge, I get overwhelming vertigo. I’ve never been scared of heights, but after last year... I gulped, trying to suppress the memories. This could never be the same, nothing would ever be the same. I’ve lost my family, my friends, my professors, and my favorite place in the world. Tears welled up in my eyes and I looked out over the lake to where the sun was setting, the stars extra sparkly due to all the tears I was trying to not let go. Why am I constantly crying now? Fuck, I’ve got to get a hold of myself. I was so caught up in my crazy emotions, I didn’t notice him until he sat next to me. I quickly wiped away my tears, trying to not show how much I was crying. But he just sat quietly next to me. What the hell? “What’re you doing here, Malfoy?” my breath hitched, and I stopped hiding my painfully obvious meltdown. 

“Are you ok?” he asked, again seeming like he was actually concerned. What the fuck? 

“What do you think?” I replied with as much viciousness I could muster. I’m really not in the mood for more games with him. “Leave me alone.”

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry, Evangeline. I’m sorry for this morning, I’m sorry for what happened here, I’m sorry for being a little dick that you’d like to practice your instant scalping hex on.” He said that last one with a smirk, quoting me from this morning. 

What? Did I hear him right? I gave him the most confused face ever, making him smirk even more. “Did someone poison you?”

“No.” he smiled.

“Then what the hell?

“I just-” he looked out to where the sun was disappearing “I want this year to be different.” he said, suddenly solemn “It’s our last year being kids. We deserve one good year.”

“What does that have to do with me?”

He huffed, thinking. We sat there quietly for a couple minutes, looking out over the grounds. It was stunning. Would’ve been better if I could take out my book and finish crying in peace. “Spit it out, Malfoy.” I growled, annoyed that he wouldn’t leave me alone.

“I like you, Selwyn.” He admitted, louder than he was planning.

“Excuse me?”

“I like being around you and I like how you make me feel, and after this morning, I can’t ignore that anymore. I’ve been pushing you away for years and I don’t want to anymore. I don’t want you to hate me, I don’t want you to resent me for this morning or my past behavior. I want to make you happy. I want to make you as happy as you make me.” His hands were shaking again, but he said it with so much determination and care. His icy grey eyes looked more like slush, not the piercing frostbite they normally were. And despite my instincts to shove him off the tower, I found myself melting too. What the hell was happening to me? I must just be really horny. Or maybe it was the stunning sky and shining stars, or it was that I was lonely and scared of where the world was going. I remembered this morning and how I didn’t want him to stop, how I wanted to lose myself in the comfort of his arms. He had seemed like a new hiding place. Familiar and cozy and safe. I desperately needed that back. So I looked at him, studying his nervous face, and kissed him.

He felt like tonight. He smelled like the stars, and tasted like autumn. His arms around me felt like moonlight. He kissed away my salty tears, and his strong arms kept me from falling like a shooting star as I straddled him, still sitting on the ledge. He kissed me harder, making me feel alive. He bit my bottom lip, and I wanted him to draw blood. I shifted, pushing him against the stone pillar next to us. We each had one leg over the edge, and when he moved his hands to my ass, lifting me off him and onto my back, I felt like I was flying. He kissed me with a fiery passion, matching the taste of the strong firewhiskey on his lips, his tongue. He was gentler than he was earlier, softly tracing his lips over the places he had been so rough with this morning. Knowing we had all the time in the world. But I wanted more. I wanted the numbness gone. I pulled him closer, feeling the muscles behind his silky white shirt. He kept one hand on the ledge, keeping us from falling, while the other moved up and down my waist, silently asking to go further. “Draco” I gasped as he kissed a sensitive spot on my neck, making up my mind. 

He looked at me with such concern and amazement it broke my heart. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” I said, smiling against his lips while sitting up. “I just wanted to see what else you were planning on giving me.” I guided his hands to the buttons of my white blouse, which of course was becoming more like the color of the castle, with all the dust and dirt we’d gotten on it. But then I saw the handprint gripping my waist and grinned.

“You’ve never called me Draco.” Draco said, expertly unbuttoning my top, leaving me in just my skirt and black, lacy bra. He went to his own shirt, but I beat him to it.

Relishing in undoing every button, slowly getting lower, I innocently stated “I wanted to try some new things today.” I looked up into his eyes as I peeled his expensive shirt off, seeing he had a smirk on that matched my own. Crashing my lips to his, I guided his hands to the small of my back, where the zipper to my skirt was restlessly waiting. He undid it, then lifted me up again, this time by my waist and it slid to the floor. I threw it across the room, while Draco stared at me. I caught his gaze and he went to work with my sneakers, tossing them with the rest of our clothes. 

“Eva, are you sure you want to go farther?” he asked me. He looked at me like I was delicate, like with one wrong move he’d crush me. Or more likely I’d start cursing him out and run out of the room again. 

I took his face in my hands, mirroring the way he brushed my cheek and challenged him, just as he had done hours earlier. “As long as you want to.” I told him, smirking. Daring him. With that, he took me in. Our bodies were swathed in moonlight. I was wearing my matching black, lacy thong and he looked at me like I was the most beautiful person in the universe. “You seem surprised that I like expensive clothes too, Draco.” I teased. 

He smiled, shining like the moon, and said “Why would you, you’ve ruined two pairs of my pants in twenty four hours.”

“I plan on making it three.” I smirked and his mouth dropped. Trying not to laugh, I pulled him closer by his belt and sat on his lap.

He took up his cocky attitude again, not being able to resist returning to our old ways. “You’ll be the death of me.” He whispered in my ear as he unclasped my bra, dropping it with everything else. He wasted no time in exploring the new territory, kneading one breast while continuing the constellation of bruises on the other. 

“Draco” I moaned when he flicked my nipple with his tongue as one of his hands traveled dangerously down my stomach. 

He looked up at me, then slid his head down towards my core. Keeping eye contact, he spread my legs and murmured “Oh I could do so much worse, darling” into the inside of my upper thigh. I went red, my tiny thong soaked. Fuck, I wanted him so bad. He played with the thin straps on my hips then moved one hand to trace circles on my stomach. Under the strap of my panties. “Do you want me to?” he asked huskily.

He had barely finished talking when I begged “Yes. Please.” He’d never seen me so desperate. We were both so stubborn and strong willed, being this vulnerable with each other was unimaginable. How did we get here?

He slipped the lace off, loving the desperation in my voice. He slid a finger into my folds. Two. “Damn Evangeline, you’re so wet for me.” He massaged my clit reaching, up, up, and I let out a moan. At the sound, he suddenly plunged his fingers into me, and I cursed, shocked by the overwhelming pleasure. He kept up a fast pace, with this thumb still circling my clit. He pressed his mouth to mine and I grabbed his hair, his shoulders, doing anything I could to close the gap between us. He bit my neck again, and I was seeing spots.

“Fuck, Draco fuck.” I moaned, barely able to speak. My vision went blurry, my walls clenching around his perfect fingers. All I could feel was him hitting deep inside of me. I moaned, unable to contain anything.

“How’s that, darling?”

I felt like sparks, my whole body trembling as he stoked the flames of my desire, my hips bucking. “I’m so close, Draco.” I gasped. He shifted my hips, allowing him to get deeper, filling me up, while his thumb continued to rub my clit. He got even faster, rougher, and I groaned.

“Come for me, beautiful.” he commanded.

Bliss overcame me at the dominating sound of his voice, and I let out a string of curses. He stayed at his steady pace, and my eyes rolled back in my head. I lost all control of my body, and the only thing keeping me from falling off the ledge was his solid hand around my waist. Draco removed his fingers and slowly lowered me down onto the cold stone. I gasped at the sudden contrast of heat, my eyes fluttering open.

“You have a filthy mouth, darling.” Draco rasped, putting his fingers to his mouth, tasting me. I looked into his eyes, shining brighter than the stars and let out another moan. 

“Let me show you just what this mouth can do.” I said in between heavy breaths. I reached for his belt, undoing the buttery leather while he kicked off his shoes. He must’ve been waiting so patiently with how big his bulge had gotten. I slid down his pants, his boxers, and took him in my hands. His cock was already glittering with precum, and I slid him in my mouth, handling whatever I couldn’t fit. He moaned softly, and I wondered what other sounds I could get out of him. I bobbed my head and his hips bucked. He swiped the hair falling in my face back into a ponytail. I swirled my tongue around his tip, earning a low moan from him. I inched my way farther and farther down his length, and his moans turned into my name. 

“Bloody hell, you feel so good Eva.” His praise just made me work harder. “Fuck, you really do have a filthy mouth.” I mumbled a reply with his cock still deep down my throat, making his whole body tremble. His thrusts became quicker, and he gripped my hair, making my head bob faster and faster. Precum dripped down my throat, and my jaw went slack. I looked up at him through my lashes and tear filled eyes, catching him watching me. He smirked, “I should’ve started shutting you up this way a long time ago.” I gagged, wanting to retort, but settled for slapping his ass. He just laughed. I gripped his thighs again, leaving crescent shaped marks. He just let out a series of moans, so close to his release. I forced him deeper and deeper, taking all of him in when he let out a loud curse, coating the back of my throat as he finished. His thrusts slowed, and I licked his cock clean, tasting the mix of us. He wiped my saliva and tears away and I kissed him, letting him get a taste. He hugged me, whispering in my ear, “You’re wonderful darling.” I felt wonderful. He laid me down and I waited for my breathing to slow, staring up at the sky. I patted the ground next to me and Draco laid down. He put his arm around me and I cuddled up into him, putting my head on his shoulder. He just held me tight, tracing little figures along my skin. My mind went blank with the feeling of ease. It was transcendental, like I was floating in the sky, and at some point I passed out, in an exhausted state of ecstasy.

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Something was blinding me. Where the fuck am I? The dorms are underwater, they don’t get this bright. There was something heavy on top of me and I squinted, trying to make anything out. Holy fuck. That’s an arm. That’s Malfoy’s arm. The memories of last night came rushing back, and I stumbled away. I was dressed in my clothes from yesterday, Draco just in his expensive trousers. Wait. I was wearing his shirt too. What the hell happened? I replayed yesterday in my head, coming to the lovely conclusion that I had completely fucked my life. I grabbed my bag, searching for my mirror. No surprise, I had dirt all over my face. But it wasn’t as bad as I had expected. Draco must’ve taken my makeup off. Did he comb my hair? He definitely dressed me, since I crashed naked on the astronomy tower, a new low for me. I put my shoes on and took his shirt off as he stirred. Shit, it’s cold up here. I went to put his shirt over him, decided against kissing his forehead, and turned around when I did a second take. The dark mark. He had the dark mark. I hadn’t noticed last night, we could barely see anything. And I was focused on other things. His breaths were getting faster, and I walked over to him when he jerked awake. Panting, he looked around, wondering what happened, until he landed on me, and realization flooded his face. I just gave him an awkward smile and wave. Shit, why am I like this? 

He just stared at me, then said, glancing at the sun, “Breakfast is soon.”

“Yeah.”

We stared at each other again.

“I’m going to go take a shower.” I stammered, pointing towards the stairs. I spinned around, rushing for the prefects bathroom, running away from Draco yet again. 

The halls were empty, thankfully. I kept reminding myself that I’m head girl, I’m allowed to be here. It’s not like anyone would punish me anyways. I sighed with relief as I closed the door to the bathroom. I’m safe. I walked over to one of the showers. I’d brought almost all of my belongings up here and turned the shower into a closet. I dropped everything and walked into the other shower, turning the water on. I’ve still got to ask a house elf to put a bed in here. 

My back ached, my knees hurt, every part of my body was in pain. I looked down at myself and jumped at the bruises that littered my chest and thighs, and raised my hand to feel the swollen skin on my neck. This was going to be hard to cover up. What the fuck is going to happen now? Malfoy,  _ Malfoy  _ confessed his heart to me. The cold little boy I’ve been competing with for years. And I’d used him to escape. I felt so guilty. I looked down, tracing over all the places he’d touched. What was happening? What am I doing? I’d finally pushed him too far. He was probably just messing with me, using me to get off. He’s such a fucking asshole! But he’d seemed so genuine. Fuck. I stepped out of the shower, got dressed, and emptied my concealer onto my neck. 

The dining room was crowded as I slipped in, taking a seat as far down the table I could get from the girls badgering Draco about where he was last night. I ate quickly, desperately wanting to find a house elf so I’d never have to return to my dorm again. The other girls normally don’t give a shit about what I do, but with me missing the same night as Draco, they were bound to have noticed. I slipped back out, making my way down to the kitchens. I’d always been close with the house elves, coming down to bake with them when the Slytherin girls would make fun of me. I tickled the pear and walked into the kitchens, looking for Pokey. I found her, preparing sandwiches by the fire. “Hi Pokey! I’ve missed you”

“Hello Miss! Pokey has missed you too.” her voice was like sunshine, a stark contrast to the dreary house elves around her. “Can Pokey do anything for you?”

“I was wondering if you could get a bed in the prefects bathroom. I need to stay away from my dorm for a while.”

“Of course Miss, Pokey will find the best bed in the castle for you.” I gave her a hug, thanking her. Pokey looked up at me with sad eyes. “Are you ok, Miss?” 

“I’m fine, thanks Pokey.” I gave her another hug. “I’ve got to go, I’ll see you later, ok?”

“Goodbye, Miss.”

I ran over to the library and sat at my favorite table. It was all the way in the back, in a little alcove with big windows overlooking the lake. It was hidden behind the massive bookshelves, and if you weren’t looking for it you wouldn't see it. I pulled out my potions book and got to work. 

I was almost done with my paper when there was a crash, books tumbling to the floor. I heard voices from the other side of the library, muffled by the shelves between us, when I heard Madam Pince yell “Get the hell out of my library, Carrow.” Damn, she was louder than Madam Hooch. Carrow said something, then I heard stomping footsteps and the slam of a door. I started walking towards the noise, finding Madam Pince standing around a mess of books somewhere in the labyrinth. She was cleaning up the mess, angrily waving her wand and muttering spells under her breath. I asked her if she wanted any help but she just said “No, Selwyn, thank you.” 

The door banged open again, and I held back a yelp, wanting to get as far away from Carrow as possible. But Malfoy walked in, dressed in all black, his hair slicked back, with a positively evil look on his face. I’d have preferred Carrow. He kept his face calm, not at all surprised to see me. I do spend an absurd amount of time in the library. “I’m going to need the book Carrow asked for, Pince.” He drawled, looking bored, but he had his wand in his hand, sending a not so subtle message. Pince saw it too, heard the hostility in his voice, and she stormed off to the restricted section, not wanting to piss off the Death Eaters for one book. 

Still holding his wand, Malfoy walked over to me. He pointed his wand at me and I took a step back, my back pressed up against a bookshelf. Malfoy stopped right in front of me and put his wand to my neck. I gulped, trying to keep the terror out of my eyes. He looked absolutely lethal, and I had no idea how I forgot he was a Death Eater. He was a  _ Malfoy _ . 

“You’re going to keep last night to yourself, darling,” he drawled “or I’ll take that little memory from you.” His eyes were cold ice, and he smelled powerful. The warm firewhiskey that was so welcoming yesterday was gone. He was the boy that the other houses feared, the boy that our house praised. The tip of his wand was pressed into my throat, and he gave me a cold, smug, smirk. Like he owned me. I said nothing, not even daring to breathe. Stunned by the sudden flip of behavior.

We heard footsteps approaching, and with a final smirk, Malfoy turned around, walking towards Madam Pince. I took that as my chance and ran back to my hiding spot, curling up on the floor against a window and bookshelf, trying to wrap my head around what my life had turned into.

I finished my homework with no interruptions and walked back to the prefects bathroom, taking all the secret passages and back hallways I could. My first free day at Hogwarts I’d gone exploring, and by now I knew the castle like the back of my hand. I’d been friends with Fred and George, often passing them in secret stairwells, and I helped them with a few of their pranks. We traded information, and they got me into Hogsmeade my second year. I’d had a massive crush on Fred, but they treated me like their little sister. He was the first person to break my heart. Draco was the second. No. I hadn’t let myself think about Malfoy since I’d calmed down and started working again. And I wasn’t going to think about him anymore. We just had fun, he made that clear enough. 

I walked into the bathroom, immediately seeing the massive bed against the far wall of windows. Pokey had even brought everything I’d still had in my dorm. I fell onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling, pushing all the intrusive thoughts from my head. What the fuck was wrong with Draco? Why’d he say all that last night? Merlin’s beard, he said everything to just get in my pants. I was going to throw up. I ran to the toilet and hurled my breakfast. My throat stung, and I could swear I could taste remnants of him. I hurled again. I was so dumb. I’d thought he actually cared about me. I felt safe with him, when he was just a snake. I slumped to the ground. I’d never done that type of stuff with anyone, and Malfoy had manipulated my emotions to get off. I started crying again, for like the tenth time in the past two days. I could avoid him today, but tomorrow was monday and I’d have to see him in class. We were both top students and we had N.E.W.T.S. this year, I couldn’t miss a single lesson. Nothing was ever going to be the same again. No teasing, pushing, or competing. He’d won, he’d destroyed me. With that final thought, I cried myself to sleep, physically and mentally exhausted. 

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

I woke up in the middle of the night, starving. I’d missed lunch and dinner, but there was some food on the table next to my bed. I made a mental note to hang out with Pokey again soon. I grabbed the food and devoured it. I was so hungry. My throat still tasted disgusting, so I chugged some water and brushed my teeth. Still feeling horrid, I brushed my teeth again and walked over to the bath. I choked at the sight of him. Malfoy was sitting in the tub, waiting for me. I ran back to the sink, spit everything out and dropped my toothbrush. What the fuck is he doing here? He never comes here. Wait, did I even see him? Maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me. Yeah, that’s it. I’m just tired and mad at him so I thought I saw him. I took off my tear stained clothes and wrapped a towel around myself, convincing myself that he wasn’t there, but also procrastinating going back to make sure. I turned the corner and there he was, a very solid figment of my imagination. 

“Sleep well, darling?” He asked in that horribly obnoxious voice of his. 

My face paled. “What are you doing here?” I whispered. 

“Well, this is the prefects bathroom, and I’m head boy.” That voice drove me crazy. 

Feeling defeated, I sat on the edge, letting my legs dangle in the warm water. “What do you want with me, Malfoy?” I couldn’t stand him anymore. I can’t keep doing this. I must’ve looked utterly pathetic, because his eyes softened. Or that was just the moonlight streaming through the window. Definitely the latter. 

“I’m sorry about this morning.”

“You seem to be apologizing a lot lately.” I snapped “And you don’t seem like you mean it.”

“Evangeline, I truly am sorry. I didn’t mean it. Carrow was waiting outside the doors and I had to protect you.”

“You call putting your wand to my neck, threatening me, and acting like last night meant nothing protecting me?” I yelled. What the fuck is wrong with him?

“Yes.” He almost yelled back, but caught himself. He went on softly “If any of the Death Eaters find out what you mean to me..” he looked down “..they’ll use you against me, Eva. They’ll hurt you.”

“My parents are Death Eaters too, I can take care of myself.” 

He looked back up at that and walked over to me, taking my hand in his. “They won’t care. He hurts his followers to advance His goals, no matter who they are. They’ve hurt me to get to my parents. They’ve hurt my parents to get to me. You’re the only good thing left in my life, and I won’t let them hurt you too.” He looked at me with so much sadness in his eyes. I remembered last year, when he was so pale and skinny. I hadn’t seen him much that year, and when I did he’d looked hollow. Not at all like the egotistical asshat he normally was. Looking at him now, he was broken. Maybe worse than me. 

“Did you mean what you said last night?” I asked tentatively. 

“Yes, darling, I did.”

Throwing all caution to the wind, I pulled him forward, between my legs, and kissed him. The warm taste of rich firewhiskey was back. I darted my tongue across his lips, weaving my fingers through his hair. I pulled him closer, exploring the feeling of him, the feeling of home. I could go over his words and think about what this meant later. Right now, I wanted to lose myself in him. He groaned against me, the sound reverberating on my lips. I pulled off my towel, and he took the image in. My legs wrapped around his waist, our bodies as close as they could be. But not close enough. I pushed against the ledge, making us fall into the warm water. Draco’s hands, his lips roaming my skin, finding the sensitive spots, mixed with the soft smells of the soaps, his soaps, making my mind go hazy. My senses were overpowered, and all I could do was feel. I still had my legs tied around his hips, and he held me up, one hand on my ass, my thigh, fingers nearing where they had been just last night. His other hand was around my waist, holding me to him for dear life. He let out a symphony of sounds, and I felt his desire grow. If it wasn’t for all the water, he would’ve been able to feel mine too. As his cock grew against my thigh, I got pathetically wet. I shifted, grinding into him, craving the friction. I looked into those slush eyes, and as he gave me a questioning look, I nodded.

Draco flipped me around, lined himself up, and pushed into my burning core. Barely giving me time to adjust to his size, he thrusted forward, making me lay on my stomach on the edge of the bath. 

“Fuck, Draco.” I moaned. He groaned too as my tight walls wrapped around him. He pulled back, just to snap back in again, and a string of curses left both our mouths. He had one hand gripping my thigh underwater, the other roaming my exposed body. All I could do was cling to the stone as his thrusts grew beautifully deep. My skin slapped against his, and I propped myself up on my elbows, wanting to see the source of the spectacular sound. He grabbed my chin, and we watched each other's faces as they twisted in pleasure. 

“Fuck, Evangeline, you’re so beautiful.” Draco moaned as he hit deep inside of me, causing me to moan his name.

“Draco,” I hissed “Draco.” I grabbed his hand, moving it to my lips, and I I moaned all the wonderful things he was making me feel into it. He kept up his fast pace, his other hand pushing me far down him. “Please,” I begged. Please.” I didn’t even know what I was begging for, but Draco slipped his hand down to my breast, squeezing and kneading me, all while staying at his fast pace. He pinched, flicked, and twisted my hard nipples, making me spill out all sorts of gasps. His hand traveled farther down, holding my waist for a second before he spanked me.

“That’s for yesterday.” He said in between heavy breaths as I let out another loud gasp. His hand traveled farther down and found my clit. “You’re going to come with me, right darling.” He said as his fingers drew circles on the bundle of nerves. 

I could barely hear over the overwhelming feel of him, pushing deep inside of me as his fingers worked wonders on my clit, but I mumbled out a “Mhmh.” I was so close, so so close. With one, sharp move, he pulled me towards him with his fingers in my folds, and thrusted hard into. “Holy shit, Draco.” I yelled out as I reached my climax, my hands clawing for anything to keep me tethered to the moment. He thrusted again and I screamed as he emptied out in me, our moans and strings of curses no doubt waking the whole castle. He thrusted again and again, letting me ride out my high, leaving me a whimpering mess. He gently put his hands on my hips and pulled himself out of me. I couldn’t move, I stayed on my stomach, focusing on the now soaked stones. Draco layed down on his back next to me, so we were face to face. He kissed me, and I suddenly remembered that the man looking at me, with love in his eyes, was Draco Malfoy. I didn’t want to ask, too scared to ruin this perfect moment, but I had so many questions brewing one slipped free. I stared straight into his eyes, ready to detect a lie, when I asked. “You actually like me, Malfoy?”

Draco ran a finger through my hair, staring straight back. “Yeah, I really do like you, Selwyn. 

I beamed. Who knew he could make me this happy? “I really like you to.”

His smile lit up the room. We stayed there for a while, getting lost in eachother, when Draco Malfoy lowered himself back into the pool, then pulled me in with him. “Let’s get you cleaned up, darling.”

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

After my very long  _ real _ bath, during which Draco felt the need to be particularly distracting, Malfoy lifted me up and carried me to bed. I think I fell asleep in his arms. 

When we woke up, I had to push him out of bed to get him to go sneak back into his dorms. It was the middle of breakfast, so hopefully no one would see him, or where he was coming from. 

I got dressed fast and went down to the Great Hall, needing to get something to eat before double potions. I sat and ate by myself again, reading my book. When Draco came in he went to his usual seat around the usual people, not looking at me. We talked long through the night about how we’d continue, and decided that it’d be best to keep it secret, acting like nothing was different. 

The day went by fast, more fun than normal. Draco and I kept up our normal bickering and one upmanship, but when nobody was looking we’d grab each other. History of Magic was especially sleep inducing, and while Profesor Binns droned on and the class snored, I almost ruined another pair of Malfoy’s pants. 

After classes, we went back to the prefects bathroom. The second the door clicked into place, Draco slammed me against the wood, lifted up my skirt, and fucked me so hard the door should’ve fallen off its hinges. We spent the rest of the day doing homework together, and after dinner Draco grabbed some things from his dorm to leave here. While we were turning another shower into a closet for him, I remembered our catalyst.

“Draco,” I smirked, snaking my hand down his muscled arm, barely contained by his thin silk shirt. I breathed against his ear “I thought you promised me a shower.” He let out a low moan, and I grabbed his hand, leading him towards the only usable shower left. I turned the water on, letting steam fog up the glass, the room. I slowly unbuttoned my shirt, letting the red lace poke out, I unzipped my skirt, letting it fall to the floor and kicked off my shoes. I took my time, teasing him, and letting him take in the expensive lingerie. I grabbed his tie, pulling him towards me, and he snapped out of his trance. He stripped fast, his cock already covered in precum. I got on my knees, taking him in my hands. His cock twitched as I lightly gripped it in my palm, and when I swiped two fingers around his balls he twitched again, harder. He looked down at me hungrily, barely able to contain his excitement. I stood back up, holding his cock, then let him go, letting him drop back to be flush with his stomach. His stomach. Malfoy had stunning abs, well defined and rock hard, with the sexy v that teased me whenever I saw him shirtless, pointing right to where I wanted my mouth. I put my hands on my hips, my turn to tease him, and slowly slid my hands up to my bra, unclasping it and letting it fall. Then to my breasts, squeezing and playing with them. When it looked like Draco was about to jump me, I slid my hands down my waist, my hips, my thighs, bringing the scrap of lace down with my fingers. I let the thong fall to the floor with my bra. I leisurely moved my fingers towards my pooling core, watching him unravel. I slipped a finger in my folds, and let out a little moan. 

In a flash, Draco was on top of me, one hand on my arm, pulling it away from my heat, the other around my neck. He looked down at me, his cock pressed against my stomach, and glared at me. I cocked my eyebrows, smirking. In his hot, arrogant voice he said “That’s my job, darling.” 

He pushed me into the steam by my neck, and up against the cold marble. Fuck, he was good at that. We were facing each other, his back to the shower head, blocking the water. I let out a whine, getting cold, but he just gripped my neck tighter. “I invited you to my shower, and you’ll get wet when I allow you.”

Oh shit. I sighed, loving the sound of his commanding voice. This was going to be fun. I arched my back, grinding against his swollen cock. 

“You want it, darling?” he asked, growing into the role. “You’re going to have to beg.” I whimpered, unable to do anything else, and he slid his hand up my neck to my lips. He put his thumb in my mouth, and I sucked, trying to give a preview. He smirked, pulling my bottom lip back with his thumb, letting it snap. “Use your words, baby.”

If he hadn’t been teasing me so much, I would’ve added some extra strength to my words, but all I got out was a pathetic “Please.”

He twitched against me, as desperate as I am, but better at hiding it. His hands moved up from my waist, going to my breasts. “I need to show you what you made me miss first.” He cupped me, squeezing just as I had done minutes ago. I was putty, and he molded me to his perfect hands. I sighed, closing my eyes as he worked. He twisted my nipples and I gasped, opening my eyes to see his wicked smile. He slowly moved his hands down the curves of my body, mimicking me. As he got lower, he licked my nipples, smoothing over where he’d twisted. I moaned into his platinum hair. His hands on my ass, he feinted moving down, dragging his tongue down my underboob, then back up and he bit my nipple. I gasped, arching my back, all the blood in my body rushing to my core.

“Oh, fuck you Malfoy.” I groaned while swatting at him. Fuck, how much longer were either of us going to last? “Please.” I whimpered again, needing him now more than ever. 

He smirked against me, kissing his way down. Draco slipped a finger in my folds, starting at the bottom, swiping up, feeling all the wetness that wasn’t from the shower. “When you started doing this to yourself…” He mumbled into my thigh. “Fuck you’re so hot Angel. I couldn’t just watch anymore. I had to feel you for myself.” I still had my fingers buried in his hair, unable to feel anything except him. With my eyes closed and back arched, I pushed his head exactly where I wanted him. He complied, stroking my clit with his tongue. Now that his head was so far down, some of the water started hitting me. But I didn’t need it to warm up, Draco had me so hot. His lips had been good earlier, but this... I cursed and those devilish lips smirked against me. That was all I needed to go overboard, knowing those lips were smirking against my core.

“Draco.” I moaned so loud, coming on his face, his tongue continuing the soft then hard, soft then hard pressure on that sensitive spot. I tried to open my eyes, needing to see for myself, but there was only light. Draco stood up and I let my hands slip down his body, over his broad shoulders, his chest, his waist. I took two fingers, tracing down that v, to where he had been patiently waiting. I grabbed him and pumped once, twice, wondering what exactly I should do with him. Draco moaned, and I looked up to his face. He had my arousal coating his lips, glistening on his face. He grabbed my face, crashing my lips to his. I tasted firewhiskey and vanilla, the combination delicious. I sighed at the taste, and he pulled back.

“Your pussy tastes so good, darling. You taste so good.” He says against my lips, and I moan at the praise, the vibrations rocking both of us. He looks into my eyes, I’m completely melted for him. “You’re so beautiful. I’ve never seen anyone more gorgeous. No view more perfect than the view from between your legs.”

Of everything we’ve done today,  _ that’s _ what made me blush the hardest. All I could do was groan. I could’ve passed out again, but I’d give everything for this man. I gestured for his cock, soaked in precum, shower water, and my own wetness. He smirked and finally pushed into me. We both moaned at the sensation, and he gave me a second to adjust to his length. Malfoy moved at a rhythmic pace, one hand on my waist to keep me glued to him, the other on my shoulder, keeping me on the wall. With every thrust, we moaned, his skin hit mine, and my ass hit the wet marble, creating a symphony I’d replay in my head forever. His quick, deep thrusts bottomed me out every time.

“Bloody hell, Evangeline, fuck. You’re so tight. You’re perfect.” A series of groans and curses escaped Malfoy, and I kissed him, wanting to feel his vulgar language on my lips. “I’m so fucking close darling.” 

I was seeing spots. All I could do was grip his shoulders, anchoring me to reality, and keep my hips in movement with his. I think I was crying his name. He kept moving, reaching all the way inside me, when I felt his release coat my walls. At the feel of him spilling inside me, at the sound of him screaming my name, I found my second climax. I couldn’t hear, I couldn’t see, all that existed was the feel of him in my hands. My face was twisted in pleasure as I rode out the wave of my orgasm. I heard Draco’s heavy breathing, felt it on my neck as he stayed leaning against me. My legs gave out, and I began slipping to the floor, but Malfoy caught me, hugging me to him. I put my arms around his neck, the only thing keeping me up. 

He took a step back into the water and turned, so it was hitting both of us. He kept one arm around my waist as he grabbed my soap, cleaning me up. I could still barely tell what was happening. His hands ran all over me with the soap, and I trembled, clutching him. He grabbed a towel, wrapped me up, and lifted me in his arms. Draco walked us over to the bed, gently setting me down. He went back to the shower to grab a towel for himself, and in my haze I patted the bed, looking for him. 

Where’d he go? What happened to him? I started panicking, Draco wasn’t there. Draco wasn’t there. My breath hitched, my eyes still cloudy, feeling everywhere for him until I felt his warm hand on my shoulder. He was slowly getting less blurry as my vision focused on him. 

“Evangeline, I’m right here. I’m right here.” He murmured comfortingly. I leaned into him, and he scooped me up again, laying me back down with him. I breathed in the smell, firewhiskey, vanilla, and parchment. The smell of us. I cuddled into him and he held me, pulling the covers over us, keeping me warm, keeping me safe.

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

We woke up before the sun rose for quidditch practice. Draco still insisted on the extra lessons with him, the obnoxious asshole, but I was happy to spend time with him outside without it being suspicious. I think that’s why he insisted on the lessons in the first place. 

Though he was fast, I was faster, and I flew laps around him while we tried to knock eachother off our brooms. He made up for it though with his strength and coordination, almost making me fall after I teased him while making a very rude hand gesture. 

Practice with the team went well, and I found myself enjoying being out with the Slytherins for once. We ran drills, preparing for our match against Ravenclaw which was in a month, a week before Halloween. 

At breakfast, Draco got hounded by the girls again. He’d been missing for three nights now, and Pansy, with her bloodhound nose, swore she could smell a girls perfume on him. I liked the thought. 

We had Dark Arts today, and I sat as far away from Malfoy as possible. He had the same demeanor as that day in the library. While he’d always been like that, around other Death Eaters it became so much worse, like cold, unflinching steel. Even Carrow seemed unnerved by it today, with the ice amplified, protecting what was behind those dark walls. I couldn’t wait to get out of the classroom. 

I’d known the Carrows since I’d been born, with them occasionally hiding out at my parents house for weeks at a time, on the run from the Ministry. I hated it when they came over. My parents were cold, but around their “family”, as they put it, they were entirely new people. We lived in a large manor with acres of land, yet anywhere I hid was still permeated by the feel of evil. Since His return, I hadn’t been able to escape it. Except with Draco. But Draco is a Death Eater too, I remembered, biting back a sob. What the fuck is wrong with me? I miss Fred. I miss my early years at Hogwarts, when I didn’t know too much about who my parents had been. Who they are. I’d called this murderer in front of me Uncle Amycus. I need to leave. I have to get out of here. 

I schooched my chair back, and it loudly dragged against the wood. Carrow looked at me. He gave me that nice smile he reserved for his “family”.

“Evangeline, would you like to demonstrate the Cruciatus curse for us?” he asked nicely, like I actually had a choice. 

Fuck, what did I just get myself into? I kept my face calm, even trying a little smirk, hiding the terror and dread in the pit of my stomach, the bile rising in my throat. Think, think. I can’t refuse, that’s not an option. I stood up, putting on a smile. “Sure, Unc-, I mean Professor.” I said nicely, forcing a blush at my mistake. Carrow smiled back, almost lovingly for him, no doubt remembering all the times he and Aunt Alecto played with me as a child. Having him in a good mood would be very helpful when I ultimately couldn’t do it. Why’d he have to be so obsessed with this damn curse? We’d been learning about it since our first day of Dark Arts. In our second lesson, Malfoy had volunteered first to try it. Carrow went into his office and grabbed Neville Longbottom, who was serving detention. We’d practiced on him. Luckily, Malfoy was the only person able to do it. That had been acceptable then, but after weeks of focusing on this one spell, if you couldn’t do it he’d use you for a demonstration. I’d kept as quiet and invisible as possible so far, only doing it once. Seamus had looked like he was being tickled, almost laughing. I still threw up after class. 

I walked to the front of the room, while Carrow went to his office. He pulled Luna Lovegood out by star hair. She walked proudly, determination in star eyes. I wonder what star did to get detention? Whatever it was, she did not deserve this. I’d always admired Luna, though I’d never really spoken to star. We shared friends, but lived in different worlds. I can’t do this to star. I can’t hurt her. I glanced at Draco. He looked calm, almost bored, but his leg was bouncing lightly underneath the table. I wanted to go hide in his arms. 

Carrow stopped with Luna in front of me. “Remember how to do it, Evangeline?” Wow, he’s in a good mood. Well, that’s because his little niece is about to torture some kid he hates. 

“Yeah.” I forced strength. I have to do this. I have to. Luna gave me a small smile, like star’s giving me permission. Merlin, I can’t do this to star. I looked back to Carrow, anticipation all over his face. I got into stance. If I don’t do this, he’ll do it to star. I might have buyed enough kindness from him to spare me, but he would torture Luna. I could at least let her off easier with mine. As long as it’s strong enough. I raised my wand. Do this, and everything will be ok. Everything will be ok. I let out a breath and said with all my remaining strength “Crucio.” 

Luna fell to the floor, thrashing, star soft face twisted in agony. Star kept her mouth clamped shut, trying to hold back star screams. Her lip started bleeding. Star got her arms wrapped around starself, trying to soothe the pain. I froze. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe. All I could do was stare at star, at the pain I was causing her.

Carrow clapped me on the back. “Great job, Evangeline.” His hand on me jolted me back, and I let go of the curse. Luna curled into a ball, rocking starself on the floor. I kept my mask on, trying to seem proud. I bit back my tears, trying to think of something happy, but there was nothing. And why should I get to be happy, when I just caused Luna so much pain. 

“Would anyone else like to try?” Carrow asked the class. Crabbe and Goyle immediately raised their hands, and Carrow called one of them up to torture Luna even more. Merlin, I’d just been the opening act. I need to leave. I looked at Draco and I could see the despair in his eyes, but when we made eye contact he looked back up towards the front of the room with that horrible grin. I slipped back into my chair with an awful smile still plastered on. Luna started screaming, and I locked up my mind, building up soundproof wall on top of wall. I blocked all my senses, unable to be in this world anymore.

~~

I’d barely noticed class was over, only returning to reality when someone’s bag hit me on their way out. I jumped and got out as quickly as I could. I ran through the secret passages, tears streaming down my face, all the way to the prefects bathroom. I’d just barely gotten to the toilet in time. I heaved and heaved, unable to get star screams out of my head. I didn’t even see what happened to star by the end of class. If she was even still alive. 

I heard the door open, and Draco held my hair back as I threw up again. I turned around and found him holding a box of tissues. I took it and tried to clean myself up. How could I ever clean myself up? I felt completely shattered. Broken beyond repair. Draco stared down at me, and I curled up into a ball, just as Luna had done. Rocking myself to soothe the minute amount of pain I was feeling compared to what star must’ve gone through. 

I met his gaze. “Get out.” I ordered, pointing at the door, my voice like ice. He can’t be here. He can’t be here. I can’t be here. 

“Eva-”

“OUT!” I screamed at him, and I saw his heart break. Head hung, he padded out, softly closing the door. 

Utterly alone, I crawled over to my bed and buried myself under the covers, begging for the numbness to return.

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

I stayed in bed for what felt like years, my mind spinning. Memories of growing up in that haunted house, of my family, of our Lord coming back. Nights spent in shadowy mansions, angry whispers and commanding voices. I became a ghost a long time ago. I can’t stand this anymore. I can’t be here. The screaming, sobs, and anger echoing around me, I’d never be able to escape it. It would never end. The darkness was only growing. It felt like vines were wrapped around me, pulling me to the ground. I want to be gone.

I kept holding myself, trying to calm the heavy, racing, cloudy weight in my head. What am I even doing here? I’m just as bad as the Carrows, as Him. Hell, I was raised by them, why would I be any different. All I can do is hurt people, like I hurt my parents, my friends, Luna, Draco. It’s in my blood. I’m a sadistic, arrogant, narcissistic, evil death eater. I’ll never be anything else. I’ll never be someone anyone could love. I’m worthless, undeserving. A privileged bitch who's finally getting what's coming for her. Torture would be mericful. I need to be destroyed. I need a knife. 

I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I felt like dead weight, outside my body as I stood up, walking over to my trunk. I took my shirt off, having learned a long time ago how easily the white school silk stained. I can’t even do basic cleaning spells properly. 

My left arm didn’t feel like it was a part of me. The skin would’ve been soft, if not for the years old scars, from before I could heal myself. Or when I felt like I didn’t deserve to heal myself. 

I dug through my trunk, finding the old sock I hid my knife in. I’d taken it from my parents' kitchen when I was seven, stupidly thinking I could use it to protect myself when some of my dad's friends came over one night. I’d barricaded my bedroom door, full well knowing they could blow it apart if they wanted, and hid under my bed. I’d stayed down there all night, knife in one hand, stuffed hungarian horntail in the other. 

I looked down at my scars. I’m surprised Draco didn’t ask me about them. But I guess I didn’t ask him about what was on his forearm either. I twirled the knife in my fingers. I don’t want him to ask me about them. Shame flooded over, me. I’m so disgusting. Draco can’t see this. He can’t know what I do to myself. I’ll never be good enough for him. I don’t deserve him, not while looking like this, not while being like this, and I’ll always be like this. The mental scars just as deep as the physical ones, if not more so. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be alive. I don’t… I don’t know what I don’t want.

I traced the knife over my skin, drawing where my dark mark should be. Will be. 

Before I knew what I was doing, I chucked the knife across the room. It hit the wall, clattering to the floor, and I sunk to my knees, returning to my body as I hit the stone. 

I’m pathetic. 

  
  


I woke up hours later, still curled up on the cold floor. Finally strong enough to stand up, I walked over to my bed, tucking myself in tight. The way I’d always imagined a mom would do. The way I pretended my mom would do. 

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

I begrudgingly got up on time for class, skipping breakfast as I still felt too sick to eat. As I neared Charms, I heard Malfoy’s snotty little voice whining about something to his friends. If you could call them friends. He was leaned against the wall, clad in all black, arms crossed over his chest. Crabbe and Goyle were just watching him, stupidly nodding along to whatever shit he was saying.

The classroom door was closed, as Flitwick was probably still on his way up from the great hall. We still had five minutes before class, so I slumped against the opposite wall a little farther down. Malfoy and I were obsessively punctual, and we’d normally use our extra time before class to fight each other.

Malfoy smirked at Crabbe and Goyle, swatting his hand, gesturing for them to leave. He swaggered over, looking down at me.

“What’s wrong today Selwyn, got your knickers in a twist?” the cockiness in his voice unbearable. 

“Shove off Malfoy.”

“You know, I could help straighten them out.” he said, his eyes twinkling.

I just glared at him. 

He whispered softly, “Really Eva, what’s wrong? What can I do?”

“Just leave me alone Draco.” I looked into his eyes, feeling the tears well up, the grief.

Draco leaned forward, arms reaching out, when Flitwick rounded the corner. He jumped back, frozen, trying to turn his slushy eyes back to ice. 

I pushed past him, unable to watch anymore, and whispered “There’s nothing you can do.” I followed Flitwick into the classroom, taking a seat in the far back corner. As far away from Draco as I could get. 

The day went by fast, my mind blank as I went through the motions. I wound up at the library after classes, ready to get some work done. But when I saw that bookshelf Malfoy had pushed me against, where he had threatened me, I spun around and sprinted out, feeling like the room was about to come crashing down on me. I ran through the secret passages, down cramped stairwells, having no idea where I was going, just knowing I needed to escape. I opened a door, coming to a full stop as I hit fresh, open air. I’m at the lake. 

Slightly more calm, I walked down the path from the castle to the boathouse. I’d come down here my first year, testing it out as a hiding spot, but I’d hated it. There were spiders everywhere, it was freezing, uncomfortable, and surprisingly busy with all the older kids coming in for various activities. I walked around the boathouse, heading for the beach. I didn’t come down here much either, it was normally more busy and I somehow always managed to get sand and mud stuck on me for a week. But this year the castle was so empty, and most of the students stayed in their common rooms, where the death eaters can’t get to them. I can’t believe this is what life's like now. I wish I could go back to my first year, when the world seemed good, when I had hope. I was so relieved when I came here, finally escaping the manor. It seemed like life could only get better. I believed it would get better, and it did those first three years. But when that fucking dark mark went up, everything went to shit. I was so naive to think I could ever escape my family. 

I stopped at the water's edge, staring out at the sparkling, dark waters. It looks so peaceful. A calm, cool heaven, a stark contrast to this burning hell. I took my shoes and socks off, stepping into the water. It was stunningly cold, the water turning my veins to ice. I took another step, another, up to my knees, my robes draping behind me, floating on the water. The cold was shocking, electricity buzzing up and down my body. I felt alive. I took another step in, up to my thighs. Something tickled my ankle and I laughed. Actually laughed. The water was burningly hot now, and I walked farther in. It’s so welcoming, like a big bundle of blankets, the water tucking me in better than anyone ever could. The bottom of my skirt was skimming the water, and I watched the material play as I walked further in, it getting heavy but fighting to stay afloat as I got deeper. I got to my waist when I finally lowered my arms, my robe’s long sleeves soaking up the water. I raised my arms, watching the now heavy material drip and fall, like it was reaching to go back in. I want to go in. 

I ran straight forward, as fast as I could through the heavy water, my robes streaming behind me. I jumped and dove in, completely submerging myself, as the water wrapped itself around me, a warm, all encompassing hug. I pushed and kicked my way farther in, farther down, swimming deeper into the welcoming warmth that felt like home. I’m going home.

~~

I woke up, choking, and sputtering. What the fuck is going on? I couldn’t see, I could only feel something in my throat, my lungs, hands on my chest, pushing and pushing. I coughed and coughed, then leaned over and threw up. My throat was burning, but at least cleared up. I rubbed my eyes, attempting to get the water out of them, but something rose in my throat and I threw up again. I felt around for a towel to get the water out of my eyes, the dirt out of my mouth, but all I felt was sand. Where the hell am I? I brought my arm up to my face, but it was wet and sandy and didn’t do much to help. The world started tilting, and I threw my arm back down to stop myself from falling. My head hit the ground; wait, no, that’s not the ground. That’s a hand. I finally blinked back enough water to open my eyes, and there, leaning over me, keeping me from fracturing my skull, was Draco fucking Malfoy. 

I stared at him, then looked at where we were when I suddenly remembered what I was doing just moments ago. Draco was soaked, his shirt clinging to him, reminding me of how he looked when Professor Moody turned him into a ferret. That was such a great day, he’d been so unbelievably pissy. That was the week me and the twins somehow sneaked a couple filibuster fireworks and a ton of bulbubadox powder in his bag. When he opened his bag at lunch it all exploded, shooting the powder everywhere within a twenty foot radius of him. The slytherins had boils for weeks. Malfoy’d been traumatized for months, always jumping whenever someone got too close to him or glaring at anyone that looked at him. 

I started laughing, unable to get that image of ferret Draco being stuffed down Crabbe’s pants or chaotic great hall as all my bullies skin got nasty. Coupled with almost drowning, I could barely breathe as I laughed and laughed, which quickly turned into violent hacking. Malfoy just stared at me like I was insane, an unbelievable expression on his adorable face. 

“You… ferret.” Was all I could get out in between wheezes, while I fell back, my whole body shaking, pointing at him. 

“You’re laughing at me for looking like a ferret after you tried to fucking kill yourself!” He said with such disbelief. “You’re mad, Evangeline.” 

I started wheezing again and Draco got up, helping me sit and catch a breath.

“You’re fucking crazy, Eva.” he smiled, scooping me up in his arms. “I want to show you something.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and let him carry me back to the castle, both of us soaking wet, without a care in the world.

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

Draco took me deep down into the castle, through forgotten hallways and winding staircases, places I barely recognized. Not that I was paying much attention. I felt cloudy, otherworldly, unaware of everything that seemed so important earlier. Draco stopped in front of a stone wall, in some dead end hallway somewhere deep in the dungeons.

“Hold on.” He said, as he shifted me, holding me with one arm, while he pressed his hand against the wall. I didn’t even bother to wonder what the hell he was doing, before the stones shimmered gold, into beautiful wooden doors. 

“Woah.” I dropped down, out of Draco’s arms to inspect the doors. I’d prided myself on knowing a nice amount of the castles secrets, especially after studying the marauders map with the Weasleys. But I’d never seen this before, never even suspected something was here. “What is this?” I asked Draco, filled with curiosity, needing to know everything about this place, and suddenly wishing for my copy of  _ Hogwarts: a History _ .

“These are the Malfoy chambers.” he swung the doors open, revealing a beautiful, bright room. It was circular and nicely sized. To the right there was a comfy living room with a fireplace and massive windows, right above the lake. To the left there was a gorgeous grand piano and a small kitchen and dining table were tucked in the back. Directly across from where we stood there was a matching doorway, and as I walked towards it, the doors behind us faded back into the wall. 

I faced Draco. “The Malfoy’s have their own chambers?” I’d never heard of them. I wouldn’t even think it was possible, had Draco not just opened a wall with his hand. And this room screamed Malfoy, though somehow softer. It seemed more normal than like what I’d expect from the Malfoys. 

Draco took my hand, leading me over to the emerald green couch. We sat down, and I sunk into the velvet.

“One of my ancestors paid Salazar Slytherin to build this for them, they’d been good friends and Slytherin was happy to do it for him. Ever since, it’s been a closely guarded secret, only being passed directly down the bloodline. My father showed me when I was younger, when he brought me with him to Hogwarts on business. Normally, the ghost of one of our ancestors shows us our first day here, but father refused to stay the night in Hogsmeade, and I was too young to apparate with.” He looked down at the coffee table, where a copy of  _ Hogwarts: a History _ had just appeared. “Did you want this?” he asked, handing it to me.

“How?” I asked, dumbfounded. 

“It sort of works like the room of requirement. The room stays pretty much the same, but if you want something it’ll appear.” And just like that, two sets of clean, dry robes appeared on the coffee table. He handed me mine. “Why don’t you go change, Eva. The bathroom is through there, straight back.” He pointed to the only doors left in the room.

I got up, excited to see the rest of the chambers, but instead found myself at the window, looking out at the stars now glittering across the sky, reflecting in the water, the water… Well, that’s enough for today. I ran through the doors, barely taking a second to look at the opulent bedroom, heading straight for the bath.

I felt disgusting, more dirty than I’d ever been. There was sand everywhere, and I was still dripping all over the wood floors, but I did  _ not _ want to take a shower. I couldn’t stand the thought of it. 

I settled for grabbing a washcloth, wiping as much off as I could. As for my hair, that I’ll just have to put up. There is no way I’m washing it today. I tied my hair up in a ponytail, slid on the new, warm robes, and walked back over towards Draco. I didn’t look at any of the art or furniture, at anything that normally would’ve caught my eye or make me want to do some research like normal. All I wanted was to sleep.

Malfoy was sitting on the couch in his new robes, reading  _ Hogwarts: a History _ . I curled up next to him, breathing in the comforting smell of books and firewhiskey, and put my head on his shoulder. I was out.

~~

I woke up with my head in Draco’s lap, the sunlight blinding. He was reading another book, something thick and old that smelled like my dusty little corner of the library. The book was perched on the emerald armrest, his left hand keeping it open. His other hand was in my hair, locks curled around his fingers. 

I stared at him for a while, watching the flickering light bouncing off the lake dance on his face. He was stunning, with his strong jaw, broad shoulders, messy platinum hair, and those mesmerizing eyes, moving from his book to meet mine. 

“Good morning darling.” He smiled down at me, but worry clouded over his eyes. Wait, we’re supposed to be in class.

I jolted up. “Draco, we’ve got to go!” Fuck, our teachers are going to be so pissed. And if everyone sees us come in together we're screwed. Shit, shit. I looked around for my stuff, but before I could stand up Draco took my hand.

“We’re actually busy with our prefect duties right now.” He said slyly, his voice full of his usual cockiness, the sound immediately turning me on. 

“Oh, are we really?” I asked in that same voice, turning to sit in his lap, sliding my hands up his chest. “What’re we going to do with all this time?” I want to jump him.

He put his hands on my waist. “Actually, I really wanted to talk to you, Evangeline.” He lifted me up, sitting me next to him. He took my hands in his, running his thumb over my skin. “What’s going on?” He said it so delicately, like he was scared I’d break.

Shit. “Draco…” I can’t put this on him. “I- I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Eva, I pulled you out of the lake yesterday. You didn’t have a pulse. I normally wouldn’t push you to talk, but it’s really important.” His eyes were all glossy, and he bit his bottom lip, so full of concern. “I know how it feels, to want to end everything.”

Bloody hell. He was like a little puddle, and all the memories of last year, of what he’s been through flooded the room. My problems are nothing compared to his. It’d be ridiculous to tell him. And it’d just add so much unneeded stress. I don’t want him to feel like he’s got to worry about me. I don’t want to be a burden.

Tears filled my eyes. “It’s nothing. It doesn't matter. I was just being stupid and dramatic.” I felt like a hurricane, a complete mess of emotions, but a tiny one, like the ones I’d make in my water bottle when I’m anxious. It was so calming to watch, the water swirling around, the bottle spinning, trying not to fall. 

“It matters to me, Eva. You matter to me.” I looked up at him, genuine care in his words, on his face. “All I want is for you to be happy, baby. I’d do anything for you, Evangleine. I’m all yours.” There was nothing in his words but concern, no hidden intentions or lies or anything. Just concern. I couldn’t, he couldn’t, he can’t mean it. I can’t take this. 

“Draco, you can’t mean that though.” I sobbed, the bottled up sadness, anger, annoyance, grief, hate, love, too much to keep in, flooding over the tall, strong walls I’d kept up for years. “I’m horrible, stupid, evil, worthless. I don’t deserve happiness or love or anything at all. And you don’t deserve any more problems. If you think I matter, then you really don’t know me, because I don’t matter. I can’t do anything right, anything good, and look what I’m doing to you. I just cause pain! I’m annoying and stubborn and dramatic and destructive. I’m manipulative and fake and I’m too much. You’re better off without me, my friends are better off without me, my family’s better off without me. I’ve disappointed everyone I care about, and I hate myself for it. I hate myself, Malfoy, and you should too.” 

With that, I pushed off him, down to the opposite end of the couch, curling up into myself. My mind was spinning, I couldn’t focus or breathe or anything. And that stupid, horrible voice in my head just kept repeating “I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.” Like I didn’t already know. 

But Draco scooched down and pulled me to him, lifting me up onto his lap, letting me rest my head on his shoulder.

“Eva, I’ve known you my whole life, and though I might have acted otherwise, I always have, and always will care about you. No matter what faults you think you have, no matter what you’ve done, no matter what, I will always love you. You might think you’re not good enough, but you’re perfect to me. You’re so smart and resilient and brave. You’re stubborn, determined, and driven. You’re a force, Evangeline. And you matter. That’s absolute bullshit saying you don’t. I’ve seen you with your friends, with Fred and George. I’ve seen how happy you make them, how much you mean to them. And even if you feel like you don’t anymore, you can’t erase those memories. You can’t erase love.”

I kept crying into his shoulder, and he kept holding me, never leaving, never letting go.

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

I stayed in Malfoy’s arms for a long time, well after I’d stopped crying. We both stayed quiet, and he held me tight, so, so tight. I could’ve stayed there forever. He smelled like firewhiskey, books, and vanilla, permanently like us. I could see why Pansy was jealous.

I kissed Draco’s cheek and stood up. Legs a little shaky, I went to look at the rest of the room. It’s exactly how I would have imagined it would look, with the dark wood floors, expensive tapestries covering the castle walls, and old books on beautiful wooden bookshelves. The kitchen was small, I guess there wasn’t really a need for it, and there was a kitchen table set for two.

Besides how warm and cozy the room felt, the most surprising thing was the grand piano. It was stunning, simple and elegant, a pure glossy black, with an old, worn book sitting on top of it. I slid my fingers over the ivory keys, a gorgeous glissando, the piano tuned perfectly.

Malfoy came up behind me, pulling me into his arms and softly kissing my neck.

“Hey darling,” he murmured against me “how are you feeling? Do you want anything?”

“No, I’m good. I’m okay. Doing better.” I turned around to face him. His hair was all messy and his shirt wrinkled and half buttoned, all completely uneven. His right shirt sleeve was rolled up above his elbow, his tie loose around his neck. I’d never seen him so messy. “Do you play?” I gestured down to the piano.

He rubbed the back of his neck, looking kind of sheepish. “Oh, yeah I do.”

“Will you play me something?”

“You want to hear me play?”

“Why do you seem so surprised?” I grinned, “I’d love to hear you play.”

“What do you want to hear?”

“Oh I don’t know, whatever’s your favorite?”

He smiled and I moved out of the way, telling him to sit on the little matching bench. 

He flexed his fingers. “This will probably be bad.”

“Bullshit.”

“I haven’t played in a while, I bet you it will be.” I rolled my eyes at him as he put his fingers on the keys and started to play.

It was beautiful, the beginning soft and pretty and happy, building up and up. His hands flew across the keys as he played faster and faster, with happy staccatos, and on to longer, deep notes, the emotion and love breathtaking. The sound filled the room as he played and played and Draco seemed to relax a little more with each note. The melody was heart wrenching, and I closed my eyes and took it all in. The music took up my whole mind, emotions running through me as it told some complicated, intense, gorgeous story. It was happy yet devastating, light yet deep and powerful. His fingers sped across the piano faster than I could watch them, from one end of the keyboard to the other, octaves and octaves apart. The high notes sounded like little bells, and as it got happier Draco’s smile grew and grew. Then back down to the heart, the low, loud notes sweeping me away. He sped up and up and suddenly, with one last note, the room was silent, like the room was begging to hear more. I could’ve listened to him play forever. The skill it must’ve taken was incredible, the dedication; how the hell could he think that’d be bad? I looked at him as he glanced nervously at me.

“I told you I wasn’t-”

“That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.” I cut him off, not wanting him to downplay himself, and stared at him in wonder.

“It would’ve been better if-” he started, grimacing at his hands.

“Would you play it again?”

He looked up at me with a faint smile. “You actually want to hear it again?”

“I really want you to play it for me again.”

So he did.

We were at the piano for hours, with Malfoy playing all different types of songs. Sad, soft, happy, loud, fast, slow. He knew them all by heart. I sat down on the bench with him and he taught me the scales, finger positions, and the beginning of one of my favorite songs.

“Where’d you learn to play?” I asked, turning on the bench to face him.

“In the beginning, from house elves and muggles.” 

I looked at him, confused. “No tutors or school?”

“No, my parents were strongly against me playing any type of instrument.” He huffed, something buried deep in his eyes.

“Why? What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit.” I smiled, rolling my eyes. But there was still something there. I took his hand and looked right at him, genuinely wanting to hear every part of his past that gnawed at him. “Tell me everything.”

This time it was this turn to roll his eyes. “It’s a boring story.” I just punched him “Ok, fine. Around christmas, when I was pretty young, my parents and I were walking around in London, when we passed a bright little music shop, with a big piano just like this one in the window. There was a kid about my age playing rather badly, getting a lesson from some old, kind looking muggle. I stopped and watched them as my parents walked on. They found me about ten minutes later. I hadn’t even noticed they were gone, I was so entranced by the piano and the music flowing out into the street. My father was so angry, he started scolding me while my mother patted me down, gave me a quick hug, then slapped me. I’d barely noticed though. I was still listening to the music. When my father yanked on my arm, dragging me towards the Leaky Cauldron, I looked at him, towering over me with an awful scowl on his face, and asked if we could go in and sign me up for lessons. My mother laughed while my father fumed, his face getting redder than I’ve ever seen, and smacked me with his cane. 

When we got to the Leaky Cauldron, he dragged me into a corner and snarled at me ‘That shit is for mudbloods and the help. Don’t ever disrespect me like that again.’ I shut up for the rest of the trip. But a couple days later, when my parents weren’t home, I went down to the ballroom, opened the hidden door, and played around on the piano in the house elves’s music room. I’d always known it was there, but it was for house elves so I’d never gone in. I hadn’t learned how to stop the music from going into the ballroom yet, so one of the lead house elves came in ready to smack someone. But when he saw it was me, his face softened and asked me if I wanted to learn how to play. So he taught me for a while, when my parents weren’t home. I spent most of my days cooped up in there with him and piles of sheet music and learned how to play. When I got older and went to London with my mother, she’d leave me to do whatever I wanted while she did her shopping. So I’d go back to that little music shop, learn from the old man, and have lessons with the cute boy from the window. When I came to Hogwarts, this piano was here, exactly the same as the one from the shop, and I taught myself. I tried to go back for lessons when I could, but it’s been maybe two years now. The boy got really good, sometimes articles about him and his concerts and awards appear in here. I’d love to go back.”

He looked at me with so much sadness, so I climbed into his lap, kissed his cheek, and we kept playing.

  
  



End file.
